Sirach 8:10-13. Do not kindle the coals of a sinner, lest you be burned in his fire; do not "get up and leave an insolent fellow, lest he lie in ambush against your words"; do not lend to a stronger man, but if you do, treat it as lost; do not give surety beyond your means, but if you do, be as concerned as the one who must pay.

I'm struck by the lending and the surety lines here. Shakespeare's "neither a borrower nor a lender be" comes to mind, but this is different. Sometimes we do lend, we feel obligated to sometimes, especially when friends or family are in dire straits, and Sirach says do not lend to a "stronger" man, which seems to imply we can lend to people in bad situations (or at least it acknowledges that we sometimes do). When we feel obliged to, or even should, lend, we should treat it as lost, as a gift. This brings so much peace - it saves us from the concern of how to ask for the money back, the worry that we won't get it back, the stress of having an outstanding loan that may or may not be paid, and the strain that such a loan can put on our relationships. Just forget about it - treat it as lost! This attitude will keep us from lending too much in the first place, thus jeopardizing the people who we must care for - our family, ourselves - by making unwise loans, it relieves the stress of obtaining repayment, it causes any repayment to be a boon - something unexpected; and it develops faith in our fellow man when the loan is repaid!

We are also not to be a surety beyond our means and when we give surety, be as concerned as the one who must pay. Thinking on this today, I am thinking of being a surety as taking on, or accepting, obligations and duties. We all have duties. Some we are born into, like the duty to honor our father and mother, and the duty to care for our children; others we take on ourselves, such as when we marry. Those duties are "sureties." God has given us those people to assist in life - they are ours to take care of and help. We are not, obviously, completely responsible for their every action, they have free will and their own duties to God. But they would not be in our lives in this special way if we weren't meant to be concerned for them. We are to be as concerned for their well-being as :one who must pay." That is, as concerned as they are (or should be) for themselves.

This is a different obligation than the duty we have to love our neighbor - it is more intense. We are "sureties" for some people, and not for others. Marriage vows, the fourth commandment, and parenting bring with them deeper obligations to "pay" for the people to whom we have these obligations. We must be there for them, "in sickness and health, for better or for worse." There is a lot of sickness and a lot of "worse" in every life. Thank God he gave me "sureties" to see me through those times. I must be their sureties when they need me.

Sometimes, I find, when people are are in a very bad situation, they don't want my help - or they need more than I can give. This does not relieve my obligation to "be as concerned as one who must pay," but at those times, I turn to prayer and sacrifice. Sincere prayer for someone, especially when coupled with fasting or other sacrifice, can be the greatest "payment" I can give them.