Genesis 31:52 "This heap is a witness, and the pillar is a witness, that I will not pass over this heap to you, and you will not pass over this heap and this pillar to me, for harm."

This is Jacob's father-in-law, Laban, agreeing to honor the boundaries Jacob has erected with a heap of stones and a pillar. Laban had tried to cheat Jacob, and had been mistreating him, and God had told Jacob to take his wives and others of his household and return home - "Return to the land of your fathers and to your kindred, and I will be with you." (Genesis 31:3) When Laban found that Jacob had left, he followed Jacob until he caught up with him seven days later (seven being a number of completion in the Bible, in other words, Laban caught up to Jacob when the time was right) (Genesis 31:23). After some back and forth, Laban proposed a covenant, and Jacob and his men assembled stone heap and pillar as witnesses of it. Both men agreed not to pass over these markers to harm the other.

We all sometimes need boundaries, even in our families. There come times in many relationships when things just are not properly ordered. Perhaps one party is dealing with issues that the other cannot help with and begins mistreating the other; or perhaps it is simple sinfulness, as was Laban's attempt to cheat Jacob. In the thick of a bad situation, Jacob did not confront Laban, or try to talk to him and set boundaries then and there, that would not have worked and may likely have made things worse. Instead, God told Jacob to get away, and Jacob did, without telling Laban. This is often the only way we can protect ourselves in the heat of the moment - we have to step back from the situation, distancing ourselves from the person who is mistreating us. It does not mean that we will not forgive them, it just means that the time is not right, at that moment, to confront the issue or have a reasonable conversation. God saw that, even if Jacob did not, and told Jacob to leave.

When we step back from these situations we stop giving the person hurting us the opportunity to do so and we give them room to be alone with their own thoughts and to hear God speaking to them without our voices drowning Him out. And God did speak to Laban as Laban chased after Jacob (Genesis 31:24). So by the time Laban caught up with Jacob (when the time was right), both had had heard from God and were rational enough to be able to make a covenant and set boundaries.

This is a great lesson for our lives. For a few years now I have been separating myself from hurtful people and bad situations and listening for God's voice, while at the same time waiting for the people hurting me to hear God themselves. While it is painful, I know that God will bring these people back to me when the time is right, in the time of completion, and we can get to work on setting appropriate boundaries and being in right relationship with each other.