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1 Peter 4:12 "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal which comes upon you to prove you, as though something strange were happening to you."

 

I have to admit, I was surprised when the latest, and my worst, fiery ordeal came upon me! And I very much thought something strange was happening to me, especially when it all began about five years ago. I guess I should not have been surprised, I certainly know that we have to suffer in this world, but the intensity of that ordeal, the totally unexpected nature of it, and the way it was truly everything, everywhere, all at once, combined to make it something I never thought could or would happen.

 

Over the last few years, I frequently questioned myself, wondering if I was somehow deserving of the treatment I was receiving. But every time I examined my conscience, every time I took my misery to Christ, and every time I sought spiritual counsel, I was comforted. I felt that I was suffering for doing and saying what I truly believed was right and true and good, and this is exactly the kind of suffering Peter says we should expect: "[I]f one suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but under that name let him glorify God." (1 Peter 4:16). A priest with whom I spoke often advised me to humbly accept my sufferings, and merge them with Christ's on the Cross, and that was exactly the right thing to do, as Peter confirms: "[R]ejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. " (1 Peter 4:13). Again, I have to admit that I did not always rejoice in it, but doing this made my suffering much more bearable, and did give it a meaning that made it hopeful.  

 

In the end, as fiery an ordeal as it was, I would not change a thing. I have learned so much though it all. I've learned about myself, my personal weaknesses and sinful tendencies. I've learned how to be a better Christian. I've gained a deeper understanding of God and how He works in my life. I've learned about suffering and its purpose. I have also learned about evil, about how the devil works, and I can see his machinations so much more clearly now. The best thing I've learned, though, is to rely solely on God in everything.

 

I will try to never be surprised by another ordeal, I will just trust God and be the best Christian I can be as I struggle through it, knowing that it all will be for the best in the end.