Acts 23:1-5. Paul has been brought before the council and he begins his testimony by saying "Brethren, I have lived before God in all good conscience up to this day." At that, the high priest Ananias orders Paul to be struck across the mouth. Paul responds by saying "God shall strike you, you whitewashed wall! Are you sitting to judge me according to the law, and yet contrary to the law you order me to be struck?" Paul is immediately reprimanded for reviling the high priest, and he says "I did not know, brethren, that he was the high priest; for it is written, 'You shall not speak evil of a ruler of your people.'"

I often feel an affinity with Paul, I feel like I share some of his traits and so I often look to him for guidance in how to act. Paul struggled with pride a bit, and hence was given a thorn in his side in order to realize that power is made perfect in weakness. I feel like I, too, have been given a thorn and I am trying to learn its lesson.

Even though he is a wonderful role-model, every once in a while, as here, Paul slips up and speaks his mind, and I must admit, I thought "Yes!!" when I read this! Paul begins his testimony before the council in a reasonable, calm fashion, saying nothing more than that he has been faithful to God, and his reward for this to be slapped across the face. This is after almost being killed by a mob and almost being scourged by the Romans, so one can imagine Paul's patience is reaching its end!! It is a testament to him that he has remained calm this long! Speaking to authority figures who he assumes should want to hear the truth and resolve things calmly, Paul is immediately struck in the face. These are men who know it is sinful to strike innocent man - they are the teachers of God's law, called together to judge him in accordance with it, and yet they break it themselves as soon as Paul starts speaking. So I can truly understand Paul's outburst at Ananias. I find it comforting that he finally let out a little bit of what he must have been feeling!

I have been bottling up some very strong emotions for years now among many members of my family, certain friends, some doctors, and certain authority figures. I try to push down my visceral emotional responses to their (often unwitting) provocative statements, and to their refusal to listen to any opposing viewpoints. I try speaking to them calmly and reasonably, but I am often met with the emotional equivalent of a slap across the face, and I go slinking off to nurse my wounds. It is often a challenge not to respond like Paul!

It is not only a testament to Paul that he held his tongue for so long, but also that when he was told that Ananias was the high priest, he immediately recognized that he was wrong. Paul knows the law, he himself was a Pharisee, he knows it is wrong to speak badly of an authority figure, and he acknowledges it was wrong of him to do so. With my lawyerly brain, I think of things in terms of the law, as well. When I am confused about something, I look to the Church teachings on that subject and I always find comfort and truth. I expect everyone else to be the same way, though, and that is wrong. I have learned that other people think in very different ways, often seeing things through an emotional lens that sees rules and laws as much more flexible that I see them. I have to let these people be - my rational, law-based arguments will do nothing but cause them to be upset and think me judgmental. Unless I am forced to testify on my own behalf, like Paul, I can simply distance myself from people and situations that might cause me to speak inappropriately.

I will keep asking God for a well-trained tongue and for the right words to say in every situation, even highly charged emotional ones. I will not always successful, I am sure, but I will also continue to ask for St Paul's intercession, since he obviously knows what this struggle is like!