Matthew 10:32-33. "So every one who acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven; but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven."

So many thoughts are coming to me as I read this, like what does it truly mean to "be in heaven"? It is not a place, it is a state of being, like another dimension, one that Jesus implies He was was not "in" at this moment, but His Father was, even though all three of the Divinity are with each other always. In today's reading from The Virgin Mary in the Kingdom of the Divine Will, Mary states that while a child in the Temple "Heaven was not closed for me; I could go there as many times as I wanted to - I had free passage to ascend and descend." (The Virgin Mary in the Kingdom of the Divine Will, Day 16). So it seems while focusing on their missions on earth, both Mary and Jesus were tied to earth, and were not "in heaven", although they could be there whenever they wanted. I am going to think about this more, it is so interesting!

This verse also brings to mind our particular judgment - the time when we face God immediately after our death, and what that will be like. I always pictured myself standing alone before God, seeing all of my sins and all of the hurt I've caused very clearly, and also seeing my good works clearly, all without spin or justification - just truth. But here Jesus says He will "acknowledge" us at that moment if we have acknowledged Him here. It seems He will not only be our just judge, but also our advocate if we have acknowledged Him. That is a pretty fantastic benefit of being a witness! We will have won the judge over to our side, He will want to find in our favor!

That brings me to the last thing I am thinking about today - when do we acknowledge Christ, and when do we deny Him? For a long time in my life, if I thought about it at all, I felt I was a good Catholic because I had been baptized and raised in the faith and generally practiced it (although there was a period when I was not going to Mass regularly). I do not know how I could have thought I was on the right track, but somehow I did. I was pursuing "good" things - family, education, career - and somehow thought that those things, along with my not-much-nurtured faith, made me a good person. But I was in no way acknowledging Christ. I believed in Him, but I was not ever talking about him to other people. In fact, I would have been embarrassed to do so, and I would have thought that the people I spoke to would have been put off, as well.

Now, to be fair, I was not denying Christ, either. In my heart, I believed in Him, I just never thought about Him all that much, except when I needed Him, and I never really spoke of Him to others, nor they to me. So I was, essentially, "lukewarm," which Jesus tells us in Revelation is definitely not a good thing. (Revelation 3:15-16). If I had come to my particular judgment while in this state, I would certainly not have Jesus as my advocate. My judgment would have been as I originally pictured it - me, alone, facing my true self in perfect focus (yikes!). Because I have been given the gifts of baptism and the faith, and had not appreciated them, I would have had an even greater strike against me! I was lukewarm, something worthy to be spewed out of Jesus' mouth! (Revelation 3:16). Thank God that he woke me up from this worldly stupor! And props to the people who showed me my error, even if they did not realize that's what they were doing. I shudder to think what would have become of me if I had remained there!

Jesus' words in this verse are not covering every possibility, although He would like them to be. We are not all either acknowledging him or denying Him. Many, maybe even most, do not have the conviction to do either, and that is a very bad place to be. Jesus wants to convict us, He wants us to choose a side, His side, and commit wholeheartedly. When we do, we gain our judge's favor and even advocacy. We are helping Him here, and He will help us when we get to our particular judgment! That is a great bargain, at any price!