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Romans 2:14-15 "When Gentiles who have not the law do by nature what the law requires, they are a law to themselves, even though they do not have the law. They show that what the law requires is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness and their conflicting thoughts accuse or perhaps excuse them".

 

I don't know about the Gentiles, but I can certainly attest to my conscience bearing witness to the law and to having conflicting thoughts. I was having them just this morning, in fact! Conflicting thoughts are one of the trickiest things I have had to learn to deal with as I have gone deeper into the faith. I will be going along just fine, living my life as best I can according to God's law, feeling like I'm on a pretty good track, examining my conscience and going to confession regularly, when all of a sudden I am thrown a curveball. Some new situation presents itself, or some old situation changes, and I am faced with a conundrum. There seem to be moral pros and cons on both sides, or maybe all cons or all pros on both sides, yet a decision must be made, action must be taken.

 

I know that God allows this so I don't become too comfortable or complacent, which I can tend to do, and because He's asking me to grow, learn, or act. But in what way? My conflicting thoughts go around and around, I try to see all the ways they may accuse or excuse me in the future, and I can become stymied. Sometimes this is OK, and God is asking me to wait, the choice will become clear. When waiting is a possibility, I think that is usually the best choice.

 

Other times, though, the situation is more pressing. For those times, the learning and practicing of Ignatian discernment has been a godsend  to me (literally). I still do get conflicting thoughts, they seem to be my natural first reaction to anything out of the ordinary. My lawyer brain immediately begins probing every foreseeable outcome/effect, I overthink. But after practicing discernment intentionally for a while, I have learned that God's guidance is there, behind the noise of my thoughts. It is calm, steady, and He knows the outcomes/effects that I could not possibly foresee, I just have to trust and surrender.

 

The best part is, when I shut myself off and listen to Him, I am assured of not feeling accused later on. God knows I want to do His will, He knows I am willing but weak. He will not let me be accused by my choices when I let Him lead.